In celebration of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd just write a little something.
How we celebrated:
On Valentine's Eve, Josh got a fabulous babysitter and we went out (with Mia) to dinner at probably the best restaurant we have eaten at since we arrived in Italy, and it was only 5 minutes down the road! It was perfectly delicious. He had the most beautiful card for me with his inner most thoughts and feelings about me hand written inside. All it said was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. No really, he did write me a lengthy note about how much I mean to him...blah blah gushy gushy.
Seriously though, Josh has been given the gift of words (on paper..lol). He can express himself so beautifully in a card or letter. I've got a whole box full of 12 years worth of cards and notes to prove it. I keep them because one day, when I am long gone, I want there to be tactile proof for my children to see how much their daddy loved their mommy.
He also surprised me with an unnecessary but cherished gift: A Tiffany's necklace! Can a girl get any more lucky?
So here it is, the meat and potatoes of this post: UNSOLICITED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE:
I usually don't give advice or opinions unless asked. Probably because I have been given unwanted and unsolicited advice in the past and it usually annoys me. So I try not to annoy others. But just in case you've been dying to know the secrets to a happy marriage, strong relationship, or landing the mate of your dreams...READ ON!
Josh and I have been a "couple" for 12 years now! We are coming up on our 6 year wedding anniversary. We have been through a lot together and so I like to think I know the tiniest bit about being in a relationship and what it takes to make it work.
Here are a few lessons I have learned.
1. Don't judge a book by its cover.
When Josh first showed interest in me, I really wanted nothing to do with him. I even tried telling him that I didn't want to get involved with him because of his "bad boy" image. Ok, that last part was a joke, But I really did tell him I didn't want to be with him and my excuse was because he was going off to college to the fall and I didn't want a long distance relationship. As a freshman in high school, I KNEW what I did and didn't want. haha. Josh basically let my request go in one ear and out the other, which leads me to number 2.
2. Don't take "No" for an answer.
Well....let me clarify fellas (for my millions of male readers). "No" means "No!"," but sometimes you just need a little persistence in the right situation. In our case, persistence paid off for Josh. So did roses, lavish gifts, and extravagant dinners at Applebee's.
3. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate, and Procreate!
I CANNOT tell you how important communication is! Holy Toledo! TALK to each other, if it bothers, angers, annoys, upsets, disappoints, humiliates, or embarrasses you, TALK about it. Make the best effort to TALK about it. Don't fly off the handle, raise voices, or throw a hissy fit. Talk calmly about your feelings. On the other side of it, let it be known when you appreciate, love, adore, are impressed, are pleased, or are thankful.
And Procreate! Children are a blessing from above, and they have only made our relationship stronger. Now, don't go gettin' knocked up, because I said it will make your relationship better. That would be bad. I'm just saying having children takes a relationship to a whole new level and you depend and rely on the other so much more that is changes the dynamic, from my experience, in a good way. I also say Procreate because it is fun to try...."EWWW gross!" (In the voice of my former 10 year old self) Moving on.
That is about all I can think of on such a whim of a blog and my creativity has dried up for the day. If you have someone special in your life, take this day and EVERYDAY to show them how much you appreciate and love them.
If you don't have someone special. Hit the alarm and throw your head under your pillow because today is the worst day of the year!
I'm totally kidding! Really though, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and despite the fact you've been through most of them...fish are always laying millions of eggs and thus there is always fresh fish out there on the open market. Does that make you feel better?........ No?! Crap.
There really isn't anything I can say to make someone who is feeling crappy about today feel any better. Except for the fact that St. Patrick's day is around the corner and there are usually plenty of single Irish gals and guys, or guys and gals pretending to be at least 1/12 Irish out at some bar drinking green beer looking for that special someone through their thickest pair of beer goggles. What does this mean for you? YOU are going to look AMAZING! Forget about those last 10 lbs, the bad highlights you just got, or that beer gut, because you are now the cream of the crop and the biggest fish in the sea! Go get em' Tiger!
Happy (or not) Valentine's Day.
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Beautiful and inspiring post. It's so wonderful when people know that they are blessed, take nothing for granted and just keep on loving. You are a blessed and gifted woman who lovingly touches the lives of all who know you. Keep on touching sweetheart for you bring sparkle to the world around you. Happy Valentine's Day my precious grown up little girl. I love you.
ReplyDeleteThanks mom! ;)
DeleteHi Lib,
DeleteReally enjoyed your inspiring words of wisdom for a successful and happy marriage:) You made some very profound statements and if I may, I would like to add my two cents:).......
First and foremost, you are so correct about COMMUNICATION!!! Without communication, there is no marriage, and the chances of growing old together will diminish every day until the marriage is over. Also, you should communicate the bad, as well as the good. As you said, talk about and discuss EVERY feeling you have, whether happy, sad, disappointed or elated. And, yes, yes, always communicate what also makes you happy and proud:) I always think it's sad when I hear other woman talking about their marital issues with 'other' people. The person they should be talking about it with is their partner. Talking with someone else is not going to solve their issue. The couple needs to solve it together, not apart. There are those couples who really know little about one another. They share with everyone else, but each other. Very sad. There isn't ANYTHING Steve and I don't or won't discuss. And we are very comfortable sharing our feelings, even if it's not always positive. We both trust one another and we trust and respect each other's feelings. We are each other's soft place to fall.
Speaking of feelings, that is another area that I believe is very important. Too many couples don't know the meaning of validating one another's feelings. For example, if I'm having a moment and I'm upset about something really silly (but I think at the time that it is monumental!), Steve never judges my feelings, even it he doesn't agree or understand my feelings. His main purpose is to acknoweldge my feelings and reassure me that my feelings matter to him. He has never told me that I should or shouldn't feel a certain way. He acknowledges that my feelings are my feelings...right, wrong or indifferent. That's pretty huge. With most couples, they start off on the wrong foot from the getgo because the husband may tell his wife that her feelings are stupid or she shouldn't be feeling the way she's feeling. So, instead of addressing the issue at hand and discussing it, their battle ends up being about why the wife shouldn't feel the way she feels. Consequently, they go nowhere and they don't even realize what they're arguing about.
My husband was a very good 'teacher' when we first met. He truly taught me alot and I credit our success in our marriage to his wisdom at such a tender age. His upbringing was far different than mine, so there were ideals that were truly foreign to me. So, Steve set some ground rules with us, and we both have always honored them. Here are his/our rules.....First, never lie to one another. There is NEVER a reason to lie. Second, we can disagree and talk about our differences, but there will NEVER be any yelling or screaming. Yelling is for kids playing outside, not for mature adults. Last, but certainly not least,.....there will be no name-calling. Think before you speak, because if you say it, you meant it. There will be no "I'm sorry I called you an idiot" after the fact. If you called me an idiot, you meant it in that moment, and you can't take that back. So, really think about what you say before you say it. We truly have lived by these rules and I believe they have contributed to our success. It takes many couple years to figure out the secrets to a successful marriage, IF they ever figure it out. How blessed you and Josh are to know this at your tender ages. Kudos to you both!!! I was also one of those lucky ones who had a partner who was just wise beyond his years when I met him. I'm still the luckiest girl alive and I love him more every day. Thanks for sharing Lib, and I hope you didin't mind reading my litany:) Much Love to you and your beautiful family:)
Hi Lib,
DeleteIn case you didn't figure it out........I am the author of the litany:)
Aunt Deb
Thanks Aunt Debbie! So true, and great rules to live by :)
ReplyDelete