I have HAD a day. It all started when I decided to go to the grocery store to you know...feed my family. I approached the grocery store knowing full well, Mallory, my 4 year old would ask for everything in sight and rack up the bill with her big beautiful blue eyes. I decided to provide an incentive. If she could make it through the store without saying " I feel like I want one of these" or "Mommy, I need this" or " Can I PLEEASE have some chips, gum, chocolate shake,ice cream etc" that she would indeed get a treat at the end of the grocery store run. She almost made it (with a few warnings) and she did indeed get a treat to enjoy AND share with her sister on the way home. Are you dying to know what it was? I'm going to tell you anyway. She got croutons. The Italian version of croutons. These buttery delicious crunchy oval things have more fat in them, than any woman pushing 30 should indulge in, but I had 4... Ok 6....of them when I confiscated them after she had plenty on the ride home. I was also saving her appetite for lunch, which would be prepared shortly after we got home and I got the small amount of groceries put away. Let me stop here to explain that I have a VERY small refrigerator and freezer. I mean shoebox sized freezer, and my fridge..it is like 1 1/2 times the size of a dorm room fridge. This all to hold food for the four of us...2 of which never stop eating....."the little ones." I'm not complaining...well...maybe a little.
"Mommy, when we get home, may I PLEEEEASE have some water?" She sounds like she might die any second from dehydration.
"Yes, dear, when we get home you can have some water"
So we get home, I unload the car and the kids, drop the grocery bags at the front door, open the front door and proceed inside to get Mallory her water, because she is truly dying of thirst. I come back out to where I left my grocery bags, and Mia is digging in the bags for " yogey" aka "yogurt."
There also happens to be a half dozen eggs rolling around outside the door because she threw them over her shoulder...digging for the "yogey."
"Mia, Mia, Mia! The yogurt isn't even IN this bag!!"
I pick up my eggs and usher her and the groceries inside.
"Mommy can I have some more crunchies?" Crunchies is what we call the buttery delicious croutons.
" Yes, Mallory, in a minute. I need to get the cold stuff put away."
Meanwhile Mia is back to digging in the grocery bags.
"Mommy, awan yogey" ( Mia talk for "I want yogurt")
Everything is about to be pulled out of the bag, including my eggs. I proactively think...'HA! I'll put the bags on the island and she won't be ale to get in them anymore! I'm so smart.'
Operation 'Get lunch in the oven and unload groceries...so I can get them down for naps and have a moment to breathe, do laundry, workout, shower etc.'........is under way!
Fish sticks and French fries in the oven, check. Need something healthy...applesauce for Mallory. Plum for Mia, check. Unload groceries..I am on it! I pull out the soy milk, milk, and diapers from my non refrigerated/items that don't need refrigeration bag. Wait. just. one. second. Did she just say she pulled MILK from her NON refrigerated bag?
I read your mind, right? I'm good like that. Yes, my milk is not and does not need refrigerated until opened. I don't know how they do it. But I try not to think about it....K? Moving on. As I pull my millk and diapers out of my non refidgerator bag, I turn ...wait , let me clarify. The diapers do not BELONG to ME. I do not require diapers..just to set the record straight. So, as I was saying, I turn to place them on the counter and the shift of goods within the bag led to its toppling off the island and onto my very hard tile floor. The sound is what caught me, and the spray of wine and glass, immediately following. My wine............was in the non refidgerator bag! And now it was all over my kitchen floor, rug, and cabinets.
Ahhhh! Where do I start to clean up? Big pieces first. No, wait. Barricade the dog. The girls are still eating lunch and will be fine for a bit. I clean up the big pieces of glass first, then sop up the wine. Next, blot the wine from my rug, which just 4 days ago had been scrubbed clean and looked brand new. I'll remove the rug from the kitchen, hang outside over chairs until I can rinse and scrub once Mia is napping and hopefully Mallory too. Now I can sweep the entire kitchen floor. Aaaaand....the dog escaped my chair barricade and is now licking up my crum/glass piles in the kitchen. I scream and shoo her back into the barricaded area with a treat. She eats it and then looks at me like I am a horrible person and begins to bark at me. "No, Kowa. Dop it!" Says Mia.
That's right Mia, you tell her.
Ok lunch is over, I throw dishes in the sink so the dog doesn't jump up on the table and tell Mallory I'll be back down, I am going to put Mia to bed. I read a quick book to Mia, secretly thinking all the while about mopping my floor and scrubbing my rug.
I get Mia down and put Mallory on Kota patrol behind the chair barricade.
I sweep everything, twice. Vacuum everything, twice, and then my favorite part, mopping. Ahh sweet glorious, clean floor.
While the floor dries, I go to put Mallory down for a nap, so I can scrub my rug, and then hopefully myself. I smell like I've been boozing all morning. Mallory gives me the usual hard time for rest time, so I say yes to any requests, door cracked, air on, 27 books in bed, etc.
I leave the door cracked, my final sign of farewell, and I am off to scrub my rug. I get out the proper detergents and I am gettin'r done!
A sheepish, "Mommy?" Comes from the front door. I am half way through scrubbing my rug. The look of disappointment must have been all over my face, because Mallory quickly said, "but it's a poopy emergency!"
My eyes were as wide as saucers thinking the next thing I'd be cleaning up was poop!
"I have to go poopy."
"Go ahead, holler when you are done." Relief filled me that it really wasn't a "poopy emergency."
I escort Mallory back to bed, and go to scrub the other half of my rug.
Then I spotted blood dripping down my thigh.
"Did I cut myself shaving? No," I think. I haven't done that in a week! Why am I bleeding?! Upon further inspection, there is a shard of glass in my upper thigh. That little sucker probably jumped off the carpet and attacked me! No. Probably what really happened is my makeshift power washer (me and my thumb over the hose spout) released a missed shard of glass from the carpet and it flew off and landed on my leg, thus causing the blood. I pulled that little bugger out and called it a war wound from my battleground morning.
The rug is clean and I do a little general cleaning of the patio while the hot sun beats down on me and dries my rug at the same time.
Shower time! I grab Mia's monitor to take it into the bathroom with me turn on the shower and within seconds, water stops coming out of the spigot.
From experience I know, the breaker has flicked off, because both girls are napping with their air on, the air is on, on the first floor, and well now.... the house is just mad at me that I want to try to use the hot water heater too, so it shuts everything down. I streak across the lounge to the breaker box, flip the breaker and go to take my hot shower. There is no hot water. When the breaker flips, I usually have to go outside on the balcony to make sure the pilot light on the water heater is lit..or there will be no hot water. I didn't do this. My neighbors can thank me. I was 2 stories up, and a towel just wouldn't cut it. I took a cold, invigorating shower and halfway through, my shower curtain opens.
"Mommy...I was looking at my one year book, and a lot of the pictures of me look like Mia...he he. See look right here, doesn't this look like Mia?" She is astounded.
"Ugh...nap is not going to happen today is it," I think. I smile anyway, because of the sweet sound in her voice, and I know she is expecting me to shoo her off to bed, but I don't. I tell her I'll be done in a minute. Shaving will have to wait for another day, although, I wasn't too thrilled to do it in the cold water in the first place. I hop out of the shower, get dressed, and decide I am going to dry my hair. If I'm not going anywhere I don't dry my hair. I don't do it because for one, it is usually too hot, and for two, it saves my luscious locks from excess damage. But today..I am going to dry my hair. I am going to actually LOOK like I have taken a shower and done something with myself.
At that thought, Mia awakes. I'll still dry my hair, but I'll go to get Mia first. I bring her downstairs into my bathroom where she is usually content to pull everything off the shelf, play in the bidet, or open up every wrapper to every tampon she can get her hands on. But today..when I would have gladly given her a box of tampons to open to keep her occupied, she wants nothing to do with it. She won't even let me put her down. She pulls her legs up as high as she can and has the death grip on my arms. I insist in setting her down to dry my hair. She screams, and screams, and screams. There is snot and tears and stomping of feet and flailing of her body on the floor. This is a full blown temper tantrum, all because I won't hold her, so that I can dry my hair for 5 minutes. I don't get the full blow out complete, but it is close enough. And even though the hair dryer was drowning out most of her screaming, I could still hear her ear piercing squeals, and I knew the moment I stopped and picked her up, she would be fine. Andd she was. I wiped her snot and tears, before they got all over my clean shirt and in my clean, freshly blow dried hair.
Mia says with a smile and a bobble of her head, "Mommy, awan yogey."
Yogey it is.
My crazy day didn't stop there. But there were plenty more tears (from not napping) and a few more temper tantrums to top it off. Josh got home from work. I kissed him, grabbed a glass of wine and said, I need a few minutes and walked upstairs and out onto the back patio. Minutes before he walked in the door, I was on the verge of tears. it was just a rough day. Everyone has them, but not everyone has someone as amazing as Josh to pick up the slack when you need it most. He took over without question, bathed the girls, and attempted to put them both to bed while I enjoyed some wine. I say attempted, only because while he was putting Mia down, Mallory snuck down the stairs and puppy dog eyed me and asked me so nicely if I could put her to bed. Of course I could. After all of the yelling and threatening I felt like I had resorted to throughout the day ( I spared you the details of the biggest hissy fits of the day and the complete and utter melt down we all had at dinner which was caused by Kota snatching Daddy's piece of bread off the table that we were saving for him. Don't mess with a little girl's daddy's bread!)
I snuggled her close and sang to her and prayed she wouldn't have any bad dreams. Then I came downstairs and started to laugh about my day and write this blog. Only after writing half of the blog, did I let Josh read it to discover how my day really went and why the bottle of wine was nearly empty. Let it be known I don't usually resort to drinking wine under stressful situations nor do I condone it, but had there been a pill available with fewer calories...I would have taken that in an instant! :)
So my readers, I hope you have laughed at my misfortune on this tragic morning, and despite having to soak up a decent bottle of wine off the floor, I also managed to soak up some sweet moments with my girls between the chaos that ensues around here.
The blog about our lack of Internet entitled "The Internet made me fat," is written on the back of a sudoku book, so I'll have to transfer that at some point. Look for it....no time soon. I only get to blogging every not so now and then.
Until next time
-L
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